How Do You Know???

Have you ever felt like you have a decision to make? Like you need to figure out which direction you need to go?

Well, that's how I'm feeling about my "church life". I absolutely, without a doubt, with ever fiber of my being - love my church, HPC. I love my pastor(s). I love the work that our church does. I love the heart of our church. I love the passion of our church. I love that our church truly is - a healing place for a hurting world.

We have been going to church there for about 5 years now. For months...ok, maybe even a couple of years - I quietly sat "on the side" lines wanting to connect with the people there, but was clueless about how to do it. It took me a long time, but as crazy as it sounds, I finally connected with a couple of people through blogging and now, through Facebook. I've even joined a life group, led my my amazing friend Summer! She is an AMAZING person and I am SO very blessed to have met her and to call her friend.

But see, I have come to realize that being a part of this amazing church...well, it's not all about me. (Imagine that!) It's not all about me going to church each week to recharge my battery for the coming week. It's not all about me going to church to worship the God that I love so much. It's not me going to church to see my friends. It's not all about me going to church to listen to Pastor Dino preach his heart out, make me laugh, then to make me say "Amen!" outloud during service. It's not all about just making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Now, mind you, there is nothing at all wrong with those things I just mentioned. It is ok for ALL of those things to happen, and I think that those things do bring happiness to God. But, the bottom line is... It's not JUST all about me.

So, here I am. I believe with all that I am that each and every of us are called by God to DO SOMETHING. To get out of our comfort zones, and to truly BE the hands and feet of Jesus. But, what in the world is MY calling?? How do you figure that out? How do you know that you are doing what HE wants you to do, rather that doing what YOU want you to do????

See, I love, love, love worship. I love it with ALL of my heart. Music and song have always been a very powerful tool for me. A few weeks ago, at HP Women, the whole session was worship. We sang out hearts out to HIM for probably an hour and a half. It was an amazing night and I was sad to see it end! For as long as I can remember, I have loved to sing. In high school, I sang in several different choirs and, to be honest, I was pretty good at it... even won several awards and medals. But, that was years ago! LOL!

Anyway, the reason for my saying all of that is this: I would LOVE to join the incredible choir at HPC. But, is that me wanting to do that because it's what I want...for me?? Or is it what God is calling me to do... for Him????

Or, is it possible that He wants me to try to join the choir AND to also get down in the trenches and work hard for Him too?? My friends from church are all involved in different outreaches where they get to love on and try to bring Jesus to people that so desperately NEED HIM. They get in the trenches. They get down and dirty for Him. But, my calling might not be the same as their calling. See, how do I know??? By the way, this last paragraph just came to me as I am typing.

Over and over and over in my head and heart, I keep hearing: "DISCERNMENT. DISCERNMENT. DISCERNMENT. Ask for it and I will gladly give it to you, and then you must use it." Yes Father, I'm asking for it.

Whatever I do, I want to bring Him glory. He deserves it... ALL of it. After all... It's all about Him... not me.

Testing, testing...Anyone Out There??

I've been doing some thinking and I've decided to give this blog thing another try. I have also decided to not make it a private blog any more. This is MY place to openly talk about my life and if there are random people who don't like what I have to say, so be it. Oh, and just for clarification... that is not meant in a mean, ugly or judgemental way at all.

Anyway...there are some thoughts bouncing around in my head as we speak. I'm hoping to get them in some sort of order so that I can post them, LOL!! My brain works faster than my fingers sometimes, but not always :-)

Life has been GREAT lately! The boys are doing awesome, just growing up right in front of my eyes. Mike is doing great too...just working a lot and helping to run sound at church most weekends. Oh, and in January, I was blessed to find a part time job and I'm loving it!!

More to come soon!!!

Words

A few weeks ago or maybe a month or so ago, I blogged about a situation that happened regarding my at home babysitting job. Like most people do, I was venting in the middle of a situation as it unfolded, except I was venting on MY blog.

Well, on Jan.29th, some ANONYMOUS person decided to visit my blog and leave a comment on just that particular blog post. (I have since deleted the comment.) Of ALL of the positive blog posts on my site, someone picks that post to comment on. Strange. My first thought was that one of the "friends" that I referenced in that blog post had somehow found my blog and that it was one of them who left the comment. Now, I don't really think that is true because I've seen them since the 29th and they acted just fine towards me. So, apparently the comment was left by some random, hate filled stranger. A stranger who knows NOTHING about me, my life, my past, my struggles, my values, my, friends or my faith. I will pray that God touches this person's heart and that this person will make a decision to start treating people with love and kindness, rather than with hate and meanness.

The comment was judgemental, scathing and demeaning...not nice at all. As most of you know, talking about my feelings is something that I am really not too good at and I am trying really hard to open up and not stick my head in the sand any more. Needless to say, that comment left me very upset. It made me question everything I know to be true about myself and I'm just not up for that. Mind games are something that I detest.

It is hard enough for me to open up about my feelings, much less worry about some stranger attacking me for them. That is why I have decided to change my blog to "private." My blog is MY safe place to talk about my life, my family, my issues, my struggles and my successes. I thought about just deleting my blog all together, but that would be counter productive for myself. I have some really GREAT friends in the blog world and I refuse to give some stranger that much power.

Oh, and about the previous blog post and my babysitting job ending... it seems that as always, God knew just what he was doing. He is amazing ... I really can see His hand in so many areas of my life.

I "coincidentally" ran into a high school friend on Facebook who was looking to hire someone for part time office work at the company where he is General Manager. Yep, you guessed it... he hired ME. I now work part time, 9-1, each day. It's 20 hours a week and I am making close to the same as I was babysitting. The job does have the potential to grow into more hours as well. It is also about 5 minutes from my house. Can you say PERFECT???! :-)

And, the relationship with my friends seems to be somewhat patched up. It was very awkward at first, and Mary didn't come around us for a long time. Her husband said it was becuase she didn't know what to say so she was just avoiding it all together. I know her pretty well, and that is exactly how she handles difficult things that she is faced with in life. Looking back, it's easier to not be angry about the whole thing. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes and sometimes do what we feel like we have to do. So, thankfully, our friendship seems to be on the mend. Will it ever get back to where it was? I'm not sure, but I think I would like for it to. They have been really good friends of all of ours for a long time.

So, there you have it... welcome to my "private blog!" LOL

Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Let's all take a moment today to remember and to be grateful for Martin Luther King, Jr. Without him, his passion and his dream... God only knows where we would be today. I thank God today that He sent His servant, Dr. Martin Luther King Junior, to live on this earth with us, if only for a brief time. The time that he spent here did more for the human race than most people can wrap their minds around.

Dr. King was a man of rare greatnesss and he truly deserves respect and honor from each of us. He paved the road for race relations to get to where they are today. Are race relations perfect today? Of course not. But, they are much better than they used to be.

Had I been alive back in the days of Dr. King, I would have been proudly marching right along with him. Racism, in any form, sickens me to the very core of my soul.

Dr. King literally gave his life for a dream that he had, a hope for all of us, ... a dream, a hope, a cause that was so much bigger than just himself.

From his 1963 speech, delivered to a civil rights rally on the Mall in Washington, King said: "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Amen, Dr.King. AMEN!!!

Thank you, Dr.King, from the bottom of my heart.

10 Years Ago Today

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANE!!

NOW...

Wow. My oldest son, my baby boy - Lane - turns 10 years old today. It seems like he was just born last week. What is it about your first born that is just...well... a little different somehow. Lane is an amazing little boy and he will always have a special place in my heart. I am so blessed to have him as my son.

10 years ago today - I saw my first born child and my life changed (for the better) forever.

10 years ago today - I discovered a love that I didn't know existed

10 years ago today - I realized that I loved someone else more than I loved myself

10 years ago today - I was given a gift from God that I will treasure forever

10 years ago today - I looked into his eyes and knew that I would do whatever it took to take care of him

10 years ago today - I discovered maternal instinct and true, unconditional love

10 years ago today - Lane and I started a journey together that has not always been easy, but taught us that we always had (and always will have) each other

10 years ago today - my heart skipped a beat and my eyes filled with tears when a nurse handed my beautiful son to me

10 years ago today - I fell totally and completely in love with my oldest son, Lane.

AND THEN

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Happy Birthday Elvis!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELVIS!!

Today is Elvis Presley's birthday. He would have been 74 years old today. Wow. Is it just me, or is it impossible to imagine Elvis being 74???

My sister and I grew up listening to his music. Our mom is, simply put, an Elvis fanatic. Apparently, it's genetic because I am STILL a huge Elvis fan!! I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Elvis. His music is like nothing else I have ever heard. Elvis Presley and his music are woven into my childhood memories like a silver, sparkling web. My mom likes to tell people that my sister and I were rocked to "Love Me Tender" rather than "Rock-A-Bye-Baby!!"

One of my favorite childhood memories is from when I was about 5 years old. My mom, the saint that she is, took my sister and I to an Elvis concert in Baton Rouge!!!!!!!!! Before the concert began, I can remember her FIRMLY telling us that there would be no bathroom trips during the concert, no going to get a drink or anything else during the concert. No problem, Mom!!! The excitement of the concert and seeing Elvis with my own eyes and hearing his voice live is something I will always remember! What an incredible show!!!!

Honestly, I'd be hard pressed to believe that there is any other musician around today who has as much raw, pure vocal talent as Elvis had. He truly had a gift and his music touched so many people's lives. His music has influenced so many of today's singers. Not to mention the fact that the man was HOT.

I mean H-O-T!! I still get the "giggly teenage girl" feeling when I watch him on TV, DVD, etc. Man oh man!!!!!!!!!

We have quite a collection of Elvis music around here, and even my boys love to listen to it!! Third generation Elvis fans!!! (See, I told you it is genetic!)

Happy Birthday Elvis!! You may be gone, but you are certainly NOT forgotten.

Spontaneous Naps!

Mr.Sandman visited my house TWICE last week during the day!! Each of my kids fell asleep in the same overstuffed chair a day apart. Lane NEVER takes naps and Ryan doesn't like to take naps much anymore either.

Two days in a row I noticed that it got quiet in our house (that's a BAD sign around here!) so I took a peek and one day Ryan was snoozing away. The next day, it was Lane's turn. What the heck?!?! It must be that chair...it's so big and very, very comfy!

'Tis the season to wear your kids out :-)

Aren't they CUTE?!?!? They are always cute, but when they are sleeping there is a innocence I see in their faces that just melts my heart. I love my boys!