Have you ever felt like you have a decision to make? Like you need to figure out which direction you need to go? Well, that's how I'm feeling about my "church life". I absolutely, without a doubt, with ever fiber of my being - love my church, HPC. I love my pastor(s). I love the work that our church does. I love the heart of our church. I love the passion of our church. I love that our church truly is - a healing place for a hurting world.
We have been going to church there for about 5 years now. For months...ok, maybe even a couple of years - I quietly sat "on the side" lines wanting to connect with the people there, but was clueless about how to do it. It took me a long time, but as crazy as it sounds, I finally connected with a couple of people through blogging and now, through Facebook. I've even joined a life group, led my my amazing friend Summer! She is an AMAZING person and I am SO very blessed to have met her and to call her friend.
But see, I have come to realize that being a part of this amazing church...well, it's not all about me. (Imagine that!) It's not all about me going to church each week to recharge my battery for the coming week. It's not all about me going to church to worship the God that I love so much. It's not me going to church to see my friends. It's not all about me going to church to listen to Pastor Dino preach his heart out, make me laugh, then to make me say "Amen!" outloud during service. It's not all about just making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Now, mind you, there is nothing at all wrong with those things I just mentioned. It is ok for ALL of those things to happen, and I think that those things do bring happiness to God. But, the bottom line is... It's not JUST all about me.
So, here I am. I believe with all that I am that each and every of us are called by God to DO SOMETHING. To get out of our comfort zones, and to truly BE the hands and feet of Jesus. But, what in the world is MY calling?? How do you figure that out? How do you know that you are doing what HE wants you to do, rather that doing what YOU want you to do????
See, I love, love, love worship. I love it with ALL of my heart. Music and song have always been a very powerful tool for me. A few weeks ago, at HP Women, the whole session was worship. We sang out hearts out to HIM for probably an hour and a half. It was an amazing night and I was sad to see it end! For as long as I can remember, I have loved to sing. In high school, I sang in several different choirs and, to be honest, I was pretty good at it... even won several awards and medals. But, that was years ago! LOL!
Anyway, the reason for my saying all of that is this: I would LOVE to join the incredible choir at HPC. But, is that me wanting to do that because it's what I want...for me?? Or is it what God is calling me to do... for Him????
Or, is it possible that He wants me to try to join the choir AND to also get down in the trenches and work hard for Him too?? My friends from church are all involved in different outreaches where they get to love on and try to bring Jesus to people that so desperately NEED HIM. They get in the trenches. They get down and dirty for Him. But, my calling might not be the same as their calling. See, how do I know??? By the way, this last paragraph just came to me as I am typing.
Over and over and over in my head and heart, I keep hearing: "DISCERNMENT. DISCERNMENT. DISCERNMENT. Ask for it and I will gladly give it to you, and then you must use it." Yes Father, I'm asking for it.
Whatever I do, I want to bring Him glory. He deserves it... ALL of it. After all... It's all about Him... not me.
